by Nathalia Stein

I went to take my puppycat for a walk in the forest yesterday, but I wasn't there so I didn't hear the tree falling. Well, on the way, I saw a kittydog, and my puppycat got into a fight with it because they both saw a bunny laying eggs and could have sworn they heard it bark like a chicken. So, the smiling pink banana got mad at them and fell on top of casper the oblong ghost's head... who wasn't oblong anymore because he lost his shine. So, as soon as casper the not so oblong ghost realized there was a smashed smiling pink banana on his head he yelled "I smell something Purple!" and all of the sudden a hairy gorilla Frisbee nipple grew in place of the smashed smiling pink banana. The smiling pink banana reappeared on a nuclear hushpuppy's nose and he barked up a nuclear storm... so the puppycat and kittydog stopped fighting and we started on our way home... My puppycat noticed he had no fur and said "do you taste that noise? my nose is falling off" Well, his nose was indeed falling off of his hand, so we picked up the cigarette... that's when it all started. You see, little did we know we got ourselves into a little dilemma. Now we had to solve the case... We ran around screaming until we got too frustrated to think... Our last brain cells were running across the floor screaming "free, free at last!" When we caught the brain cells they split in two, revealing the secret to our case. There was Heroin in the filter of the cigarette, that Sunday... When the moon was full and the wind chill factor was -33 going 55mph in a north, northeasterly direction on the south southern part of the Canadian border after Sam Beckett leaped into Bob Dylan singing a song about Mr. Jones... but ONLY on a Sunday. This happened because the secret police were spying on these smugglers putting pot into the cigarettes, so they decided to go into the backseat of Trent Reznor's car... and that's where they saw it. There were a whole bunch of diamonds in it... so they tore a hole into Trent's car and took the heroin they saw, and all of the diamonds. On Wednesday, they put the diamonds into the cigar filters and everyone laughed at the job well done the guys on home improvement did last week. They said "Hey, since we did so well Wednesday... maybe we can put heroin in the cigarette filters on Sunday" So they did, and no one bought the cigarettes. They just started flying all over the place. We had to find the secret police. So we gathered up the Nuclear hushpuppy, kittydog, smiling pink banana, Casper the not so oblong ghost, who was now oblong again because he saw his shadow on groundhog's day, and the big-old, snap-back, oaky-finoky, cheese-swirled, chicken- pocked, brace-faced, meatloaf-eating, lesbian, transsexual, saber-tooth squid... they all gathered up to find the sleeping secret police, which we later found out weren't really secret police, but last weeks enchiladas sitting on the floor of the gas station one and a half miles away from the non-existent house of horror created by Nob Ah Dee. We caught them when the sky was a sky-blue pink, with a purple blue hue. So when we got the secret police, who were really enchiladas to their rightful place, everyone sided with them and everyone had a party with free salsa and nachos for breakfast. And we all got home safely a week before this all happened. And you know why? Because I'm an Australian Clansman. :P